When Separation Anxiety Becomes Too Much for Your Child

Separation anxiety is a normal reaction most children have from time to time when they feel insecure due to being separated from their primary caretaker. Children as young as 8 months may become clingy and seem frightened when an adult to whom they are emotionally close leaves them at school, daycare, or at home with a sitter. While the tearfulness and protest is a normal process of human development, there is a level of separation anxiety that may indicate a problem among children age 7-11. According to webMD.com, “When this fear occurs in a child over age 6 years, is excessive, and last longer than four weeks, the child may have separation anxiety disorder.”

In the U.S., an estimated 4-5% of children in this age group suffer from the symptoms of separation anxiety disorder (SAD). According to the DSM-IV-TR, a parent may want to seek professional help if their child has:

·         Excessive anxiety provoked by separation from someone to whom child is emotionally attached

·         Must last at least 4 weeks and begin before 18 years

·         Excessive worry about potential harm toward oneself or primary caregiver

·         Avoid activities that may result in separation from parents (school avoidance, fear of being alone, sleep)

·         Nightmares and somatic complaints (trembling, headaches, stomachaches, nausea, vomiting, stomach pain, sweating)

We do not know exactly what causes SAD. Some experts believe that children with SAD may have initially picked up on anxiety the parent had about being away from the child. This anxiety can be transmitted from one generation to the next. Experts have noticed that most cases of separation anxiety appear in close-knit families, and can develop after a life stress such as a move or a death in the family.

When a child begins to display the first signs of separation anxiety, parents can try spending more one-on-one time with the child, engaging in “special play time” for a half hour a week. Allow the child to choose the type of play while the parent follows along without any questioning or criticism. This is a technique in filial therapy known as reflective play. If, on the other hand, the child is showing the above symptoms for a longer period of time, parents can begin with a conversation with their child’s teacher(s) to see how they adjust to being at school each morning. Next, the child’s pediatrician can be helpful by ruling out physical illness or side effects from medications that may be contributing to the child’s anxiety. Finally, a family therapist can help the parent-child dyad work through the issues that are causing symptoms. Some therapists may recommend individual therapy for the child where play is used to help the child work through their emotions in an age appropriate way. Regardless, children with SAD should not have to suffer in silence. Allowing them to express their worries in a safe, accepting environment will help them work through their fears.

If you are looking for help dealing with your child's separation anxiety, call me at 720-340-1819 for a confidential appointment.